Finding Your Voice: Honesty Creates Change

The concept of “finding your voice” is often spoken about, yet rarely explained in a way that feels achievable. It is commonly associated with confidence, assertiveness or speaking up in big moments. However, for many of us, finding your voice is not about learning how to speak louder, it is about learning how to be more honest with yourself.

In everyday life, and especially in the working world, many of us learn early on that it is easier to stay quiet. We learn to adapt, to keep the peace, and to avoid conflict or causing offense. Over time, this constant suppression of personal expression becomes a lingering, familiar discomfort within us. The voices in our heads begin to argue about what you should have done, could have done, would have done – under different circumstances of course. And so, our silence slowly dulls the flame of our expression.

Why is Finding Your Voice So Important?

I am sure at this point you might be asking the question, “but why is finding your voice so important if staying silent maintains the peace?”. Research shows that chronic emotional suppression activates the body’s stress response, thereby increasing cortisol levels and sympathetic nervous system activity. This can lead to inflammation, weakened immune function, and an increased risk of anxiety and depression. Vocal suppression has further been associated with higher levels of burnout, higher blood pressure responses and can have some serious safety risks in the workplace.

And so, what it means to find your voice is to gain the ability to recognise what you feel, what you need and what matters to you, and to trust that it is valid enough to be acknowledged.

At its core, it is about honesty – to the self and, in turn, with others.

So, Where Does One Start to Find Their Voice?

There are many ways to find your voice, but the first step to knowing what to do is to first recognise when and why you suppress your voice.

Many people struggle to use their voice not because they do not know what they want but because they are afraid of the consequences of saying it, such as:

• Fear of conflict

• Fear of being misunderstood

• Fear of being seen as difficult or ungrateful

• Fear of not being accepted or valued

These fears can manifest in different ways: In the workplace, this may look like staying silent in meetings, not asking for support, or tolerating environments that do not feel psychologically safe. In your personal life, it may look like over-giving, avoiding difficult conversations, continually putting your own needs last, or not setting boundaries with family/friends.

And so, step 1 is to ask yourself, “why am I not being honest, with others and with/for myself?”

Okay, What Comes Next?

The next step is actually three steps in one. This step happens, not only when you have quiet time to reflect, but rather in the moment when you feel yourself silencing yourself. At this point, you would be able to recognise why you are silencing yourself, and as a result you can begin to SEW.

That is S-E-W:

• S – Situation

• E – Emotion

• W – Want

S.E.W is a method of communication, developed by Dr Julia Colwell. This method offers a simple framework to help you process situations honestly. As a communication method, S.E.W encourages us to:

(1) Identify the Situation (and Sensation)

Notice what is happening. What is being said or done? What is the context? How is the situation making your body feel (e.g. are you feeling hot? Is your heart racing?)?

(2) Recognise the Emotion

Behind the sensation, what was the underlying emotion? Were you feeling frustrated, overlooked, anxious, disappointed, or perhaps unheard? Acknowledge the feeling and validate that it’s okay to feel that way.

(3) Identify Your Wants

This is where your voice begins to take shape. What do you need moving forward? What would feel supportive, fair or respectful next time? This may be the most uncomfortable part as it may feel like you’re making demands, when in reality you’re simply advocating for a comfortable environment. Sometimes, people are unaware of the discomfort they’re causing – and sometimes we are unaware they are causing us discomfort. As such, it is about providing clarity, communicating and working together on a way forward that allows for expression on all sides.

At this stage, you can express how you interpreted the situation, how it made you feel and what you want to happen in future.

Linking Back to Owning Your Story in 2026

Finding your voice is one of the outcomes we would like to see when Owning Your Story. Because Owning your Story means recognising that you are an active participant in your life, and that things don’t just happen to you. You can have influence over the things that happen – and Finding your Voice is a key part of taking ownership of what you can control. It allows you to move through the world with greater clarity and self-worth.

So, show up this year with more honesty, especially to yourself. And Find Your Voice.