Getting Real Series | Toxic Work Environments

Before reading this article, I want to preface that this will be a more personal blog post that recounts my own experiences. Let’s call it Getting Real with Nicky.

My story

If there’s one thing that I have learnt over time is that toxic environments stay with you. They shape you and bleed into your happy place. When it comes to work, this is no different. As someone who has worked in unhealthy environments before, it is interesting to me how people define these kinds of workplaces. Often people will join a good and healthy workplace and demand more than what they can provide, and leave under the assumption that the business was toxic and unfit. When in reality, it is just a poor fit. The employee’s needs and the business’ ability to meet those needs didn’t match.

No, toxic environments aren’t like that. In fact, more often than not, they don’t seem like toxic environments at first glance. The first few months are possibly euphoric. However, at the end, you come out of it feeling like everything has been taken from your spirit; you feel like you are leaving a warzone because you are constantly on guard. And in a toxic environment, you don’t leave so easily. As much as you know you should, you don’t. There are many reasons why you don’t leave, in one part you think the euphoria will return, and you live for those euphoric moments; in another part you are scared to leave because your self-esteem is so poor due to the whiplash you get from the environment.

When you eventually leave you feel scared that they will come back to get you. That they will take revenge or try to make your life harder for leaving. It keeps you guarded at every other company you work for and sours the relationships you make at work. Well, at least that’s what would happen if you don’t deal with the mental toll of being in the environment. I recall when I came to work for Reality Wellness, and how afraid I was of re-enacting the same scenario. It made me distant and cautious at first. I looked for every possible sign that would indicate it is unhealthy so that I knew if I needed to hightail it out of there. My flight response was on overdrive. Luckily, I caught myself, and reflected on my behaviours, my actions, and realised that it was not fair of me to project my previous traumas. I needed to give them a fair chance and so I embarked on a journey of retrospection and healing. I found myself getting closer to the people I worked with and the executives. Since then I have never looked back.

My message

I recount my story here because I want the message to be: you can always find a way to move forward, even after a difficult time. It just takes time, reflection and patience with yourself. Another message I want you take away from this is that every relationship comes from the effort of two parties, the business/other party and yourself. What I mean by that is, you have the ability to speak up and speak out, to reflect on your behaviours and take responsibility for them. Even within an unhealthy environment, you play a part in the continuation of the cycle or not. I recognise now, after years of introspection, that in my previous environments, I had a far bigger voice than what I gave myself credit for. I had opportunities to speak up; granted the few times I did, it was taken seriously on a few occasions. I realise, had I picked up my hand, maybe the interactions would be have been different. Would it have changed some of the tactics used? Probably not, but at least I know I was never holding back.

What is a toxic environment and what should you do?

I suppose the question then is, what is a toxic environment? A toxic environment is one that is riddled with fear, bullying, manipulation tactics and a lack of psychological safety. Sometimes, it is not the business itself that is the problem but rather an issue with a specific department or team. If you were to encounter this environment, it is important to be mindful that leaving is not always the first option, in fact it would be the last option. That means, you need to be able to navigate and make the appropriate changes to manage that type of environment. If you find yourself in a toxic environment, ask yourself the question, “how would I reclaim my agency here? What do I need to feel in control and safe?” From there you can understand your needs, and ultimately decide on a course of action such as knowing how to respond to toxic behaviours, and how much power you have in changing the situation.

Another way to break the cycle is by addressing the issue head on. Often we prefer to avoid conflict altogether, however it’s like putting your head in the sand when you see a bad storm coming in your direction. It does not fix the situation whatsoever and you still land up getting caught in the middle of it. In this instance, it means having the right conversations with the right people. Addressing the issue with the parties involved and if that causes you stress, then asking for a third party to mediate (such as another manager or HR). In some instances, the issue of the behaviour is possibly due to the lack of awareness of the impact of the behaviour on others. With that said, getting support from someone impartial can help give you guidance on the steps to take to alter the situation.

Remember, one small change can break a cycle. A wheel can only keep turning for as long as there is air in it. Even the slightest air bubble or hole can change that. And where things do not change, then reconsider your options. What is important during this time is being patient and compassionate with yourself.